Have you just started learning Spanish? You can’t miss out on these hilarious Spanish insults if you’ve never learned how to talk the language. These are a must-have in your arsenal!
Spanish insults are widely known as being colorful, vibrant, and expressive. This is true of any language that has been read or heard by someone. Not only do Spanish insults have a lot of color, passion, and presence to them; they’re also highly creative. From sports commentators on Univision to literary heavyweights like Gabriel García Márquez, everyone who’s ever studied or heard someone speak Spanish knows how descriptive, vibrant, and colorful it is. Of course, this includes the use of Spanish curses as well.
Insults, swear words, and unsavoury metaphors are one of the most effective methods to learn a new language. This is because words connected with the highest levels of expression allow learners to get a physical sense for the culture of those who speak their target language; it allows them to enter into the consciousness of what a group of people frequently find amusing, insulting, or ridiculous.
The same may be said of Spanish. The following Spanish insults, regardless of whether you’re studying Spanish on your own or have a few Spanish proverbs under your belt, will both make you laugh and give you several more terms to use with pals and foes.
Spanish Insults That Will Have You Laughing Hard
Let’s get started!
El burro sabe mas que tu! – “Donkeys know more than you!”
If you ask us, this is insulting to donkeys worldwide, which are kind and hardworking animals, but you get the point. In many cultures, people are likened to donkey’s to insult their intelligence and talent. Spanish is no different.
La mona aunque se vista de seda, mona se queda – “Although a monkey dresses in silk, it stays a monkey”
The idea that you can make anything more beautiful is prevalent among many cultures. This saying has roots in the English idiom, “you can put lipstick on a pig, but it’s still a pig.” The basic message is that you may dress someone or something up however you choose, but they’ll ultimately be what they are. In this case, the insult is aimed at someone who may not be bright, talented, or attractive.
Eres tan feo/a que hiciste llorar a una cebolla – “You’re so ugly you made an onion cry”
Given that onions, when sliced, can make even the roughest and toughest grown person weep with pain, this is a rather painful insult to one’s appearance. On a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 is not particularly insulting and 10 is horribly abusive, this is rated a 5.
Me cago en tu madre – “I shit on your mother”
In Spanish, insulting a person’s mother is extremely rude; this is why Spanish speakers have developed an almost infinite number of insults targeting both friends’ and foes’ mothers. “I shit on your mother,” doesn’t need any explanation. While we’ve never heard of anyone literally doing this, just the graphic of someone defecating on the mother of another is all you need to start a war.
Que te la pique un pollo – “I hope a chicken pecks at your dick”
Have you ever seen a chicken eating or pecking at anything? They are persistent, to say the least, with their sharp beaks poking, prodding, and tearing food chunks, grains, or whatever else their hearts desire until it’s shredded. Invoking this on someone else’s genitals implies that you want them to suffer intense and mind-numbing agony.
Hijo de las mil putas – “Son of a thousand whores”
Similar to the common English saying, “son of a bitch,” “son of a thousand whores” is that times, well, a thousands. It’s often said when someone is having a horrible day, when you’re angry with someone, or simply because it’s a fantastic way to release steam.
Te voy a dar una galleta! – “I’m going to give you a cookie!”
How is “I’m going to give you a cookie?” an insult, you ask? Well, to start, it doesn’t mean that you’re actually going to give someone a cookie. Cookies are often delicious and pleasurable, which wouldn’t be insulting, at all, unless you said you were going to give someone a cookie and didn’t. Here, it means that you’re going to hit someone. You can also use “Te voy a dar una hostia que…” as a way of saying you’re going to give someone a slap so hard that…and fill in the blank.
Peinabombillas – “Someone who combs light bulbs”
Weird, right? Peinabombillas is a good example of a compound verb insult, which many people in numerous languages enjoy using. Peinabombillas refers to someone as being na,iive, and/or stupid for lack of a better term. Obviously, there’s something wrong with anyone who combs light bulbs. We thought we’d check again; after all, light bulbs don’t have hair follicles, right?
Vete a freír espárragos – “Go fry asparagus”
Like “Te voy a dar una galleta,” “Go fry asparagus,” doesn’t sound like a bad deal. For one, we’d assume that the person telling another to fry asparagus has asparagus in their kitchen. For two, asparagus, when lightly seasoned with salt and black pepper, is a delicious way to consume Fiber, vitamin K and loads of asparagus. But here, it means “go fuck yourself.” The argument suggests that asparagus was only boiled in the past, and frying it was considered a waste of time.
Que te folle un pez! – “I hope you get fucked by a fish!”
Here’s a good example of Spanish insults among Spanish speakers. This is graphic, though it might depend on how you define a fish, and vulgar. It means something along the lines of “good riddance,” or “I love you.”
Mamón – “Suckling”
In English, a “suckling,” is a child or animal that sucks the teat of their mother until they move onto hard food. Here, it means that someone is a jerk. A pretty mild insult if you ask us, but we wanted to cool down the heat in here after all of those wild and graphic ones.
Pollas en vinagre – “Dicks in vinegar”
Okay, time to turn the heat back on. “Dicks in vinegar” means “bullshit.” As in, something is bullshit or you’re calling bullshit on what someone is saying.
¡Métetelo por el culo! – “Stick it up your ass!”
“Stick it up your ass!” is similar to the common English insult of, “up yours!” Exactly what is going up is always a hot topic of discussion, but where it’s going isn’t. This saying is basically saying, “Fuck you!” to someone in a less direct, but possibly more forceful, way.
Mamahuevo – “Cocksucker”
Like peinabombillas, this is a compound verb combining mamar (to suck) and huevo (egg or testicle). Don’t say this in person to anyone’s face, because it will almost certainly result in bodily harm. When screaming at someone on the highway or at the television after your favorite athlete fails to catch a pass, you may use it.
¡No seas gilipollas! – “Don’t be a dick!”
The word gilipollas can either mean “dickhead,” “asshole,” “douchebag,” or a handful of other derogatory names for someone you don’t like, or like and currently plan to insult. This one is simple, so I suggest it to anybody who behaves like a you know.
No saber ni papa de algo – “Not to know even a potato about something”
This isn’t a terrible insult, in our opinion. Potatoes are often weighty and substantial, and they’re required to make french fries, which are delectable. So the phrase “not even a potato” about anything isn’t always considered an insult. It’s frequently used as an expression of disbelief that someone doesn’t have a clue about something or know what you’re talking about.
Creerse la última coca-cola en el desierto – “You think you’re the last coke in the desert”
Finally, for our last jab, we had to come up with one that was as piercingly witty, succinct, and creative as possible. It’s not the most lewd, abusive or insolent insult there is, but it’ll go right to the heart of anyone who thinks they’re Jesus Christ reborn or Martin Luther King Jr. reincarnated.